I Heart Films.

So if anyone reads my blog with any regularity, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I love the movies. I love the film itself (usually – it takes a lot for me to dislike a piece of art), but I also love the entire experience. I love the popcorn and the candy and snuggling up in a comfy chair and completely leaving your life for about 2 hours. I love that it’s something you get to experience with a room full of strangers that are leaving their lives as well, and for a moment you’re living the same life as everyone around you. Movies give you a common experience with people you’ve never met before. They are the ultimate escape.

Showing off my St. Patrick’s Day Nails

Last week, Shawna was home for Spring Break so naturally, we went to the movies. We’d been waiting to see Jack The Giant Slayer since we saw Warm Bodies because Nicholas Hoult is just the loveliest of all the lovely things (if you haven’t seen his GQ Shoot you need to drop whatever you’re doing, sit down, and prepare to swoon). Also, just mention that Ewan McGregor is involved and I’m in 100% (By the way, did anyone see The Impossible? Pretty sure I didn’t stop crying for a week).

All I can say is that I really, really enjoyed it. It was the perfect mixture of romance and humor and action. Films like this always make me think about how incredible technology is. I always have so much more respect for actors that pull off CGI heavy films because they’re basically just acting with their imagination. They have no idea how it’s gonna look when it’s finished. It’s just so impressive.

Anyway, I totally recommend it to anyone that wants to go on a fun little romantic adventure. And Ewan McGregor’s hair literally is made of magic. Go see it just for that.

Yipee for bathroom lobby lighting!

The next day, my sister and I were both off work so we went to see Oz the Great and Powerful because we had been DYING to see it. We’re usually dying to see anything starring James Franco, but I’m pretty sure seeing this movie came up in conversation at least twice every time we spoke.

It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Pure magic and whimsy. We saw the 2D version because 3D usually makes us both kind of woozy, but just watching it made me want to risk the contents of my stomach to see it in 3D. I may go back. I love how true they were to the original. I love that it started in black and white and went to color when he got to Oz (and when I say “color,” I mean… wow). It was visually just… I keep saying “magical” when I talk about this movie but it really really was. It was like crawling into a the imagination of a seven-year-old. Everything was vibrant and alive and it made me want to live there. I love how it explains how Oz came to be – how Oscar Diggs became The Man Behind The Curtain. James was wonderful, as to be expected. Mila Kunis’ witch laugh is one of the most incredible things that’s ever graced my ears. I’ve always had a super girl crush on Rachel Weisz. Even with all of these amazing actors, I think the one that stole the show was Zach Braff… and he was hardly even on screen. Finley was just the star of the show as far as I’m concerned. He made me laugh out loud so many times! It was just… so good. I could go on about it forever but it’s almost 2 AM and it’s been a long weekend.

All in all, both of these movies are worth seeing in theaters. I know it’s a little pricey to go now days, but either of these films are well worth it and perfect for adults and children.

There aren’t many other films out right now that I’m too anxious to see. I’m still waiting for Now You See Me to start playing, and I am literally counting the days until Iron Man 3 (39 days). I’m really excited for The Lone Ranger and the new Star Trek film. The Hangover Part III is a given for me and I’m so excited to see one of my favorite novels turned into a film with The Great Gatsby. I think Thor 2 comes out this year which I’m just over the moon about. Lots to look forward to in the film world!

But for now, time for sleeps.

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Blank Page.

Well, I’m officially 23 years old. I can’t say I feel any different, but I can say 23 has been pretty cool so far. Such an improvement from last year, which I’m pretty sure was mostly because of my sister. I let it slip to her that I cried myself to sleep the night of my last birthday because it was so horrible, so she and the rest of my family really made an effort to make this one special which I really appreciate. There were streamers hanging and One Direction songs playing and Disney Princesses and cheesecake and dinner at The Olive Garden and it was just lovely. I got a coupon for a trip to the zoo when it gets warmer. I’m actually only seven.

I’ve made a deal with myself that 23 is going to be a good year. It just feels lucky. I won’t settle for anything less. It’s going to be a year of dreaming and doing and playing and loving. My little cousin sent me the most precious card:

I plan on it.

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Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

3/11/13

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Mood: Peyton Sawyer

This has always been my favorite song.
It’s never been more relevant to my life than right now.

“Amazing still it seems, I’ll be 23
I won’t always love what I’ll never have
I won’t always live in my regrets

You’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I’m here, I’m now, I’m ready 
Holding on tight, don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine”

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Stripping down.

Bye bye eyebrows. Hello blonde undercut. Yay for 4 AM decisions.

For a long time, I’ve put so much stock into how other people perceive me. This isn’t to say it’s hindered me as far as how I dress or how I look, but it’s always been a quiet concern in the back of my mind. I’ve become so closed off, so much more content in the background, just a piece of furniture in the lives of those I love. I’ve always felt I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t funny enough, I wasn’t interesting enough, I wasn’t enough of anything really and I didn’t have anything of substance to offer anyone, so I just stayed quiet. I would disappear from time to time. I would lock myself up and see who would come knocking. It wasn’t often that anyone did.

Lately, though, I’ve been feeling better in my skin. I’ve been realizing how much I have to offer. I’ve been realizing how much love I have to give, how many thoughts and ideas I have to share, how many people there are to meet and how I’ve been putting my life on hold for a very unrealistic and unlikely future.

I was giving a friend some advice today about how you can’t dwell on things that didn’t turn out in your favor. Life is about moving forward passed all the bullshit and accepting things as they are no matter how hard it is. Things change and sometimes bad things happen and it’s just part of life. We have so much time to get things right, and it’s up to us what we do with that time. We can either punish ourselves and wish things had been different, or we can make them different. We can strive for a better tomorrow. We can learn from the mistakes we’ve made and be sure not to make them again. We may be haunted by our pasts, but we can’t let the things we’ve done or the things we didn’t do take control of us. We must stand up to our demons and learn to accept them for what they are. We must learn to let go.

It was during this conversation that I realized I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to my friend. It’s always been so easy for me to dispense advice and so hard for me to follow it. I think I’m on the right track, now. At least for the moment.

This is a vow I’m making to myself to never let what other people think control what I do or what I say or what I believe in or who I am. This is a vow to take chances, to give love and allow myself to receive love. This is a vow to stop waiting, to stop investing all of my energy into things and people that don’t give me the time of day. This is a vow to make time for myself, and take time to love myself. This is a vow to start chasing after what I want and stop hoping they’ll just fall into my lap one day. This is a vow to start new and to be the person I’ve been too afraid to be for so long.

I am at peace.

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Oops.

Went out with my sister and ended up coming home with materials for tons of new projects! Excited and inspired.

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twenty-three.

My Father and Mother, Respectively. Late 80s.

The other night my parents and I went out to dinner, just the three of us, for the first time in God knows how long. My brother and sister both had plans so naturally I, being the ever so reliable homebody, was taken out on a sympathy dinner. My parents cancelled their plans so that I wouldn’t be alone that night. I felt as bad as I did pathetic. I didn’t even get to pick the restaurant.

It’s the first time in a while I feel like my parents attention was focused on me. Usually I fade happily into the background while my brother and sister vie for attention; my brother telling jokes and my sister relaying whatever current drama she’s found herself in. I listen. I never usually have anything to offer in the way of conversation – nothing that would interest them, anyway. It’s quite a task trying to come up with things to catch their attention, and it’s even more difficult for me to speak loud enough as to not be spoken over. I usually am though, so I’ve stopped making an effort.

There’s not much to really fill them in on when it comes to my life. I’ve always been a safe bet. Never got into any real trouble, always got good grades, took my relationships really seriously and hardly ever had any drama to speak of (save for a few teenage heartbreaks that I only discussed when my mother caught me crying). I always do the right thing. I’m always where I say I’ll be. I’m usually alone. The life I lead now doesn’t leave much to the imagination, therefore there’s never much to share. There’s no reason for them to listen to me because nine times out of ten, the words coming out of my mouth are either boring or things that only I find interesting. I can usually always rely on my brother to stop whatever he’s doing to ask me what I was saying (boring or not) when I’m cut off, sweet little muffin he is, but the other night he wasn’t at my side to make me feel important while everyone is looking the other way. This time, every word I said was heard.

It was simple at first, until my mother started talking about when I was little before my siblings came along. She made a comment about how my father was never around (he was in Desert Storm for the first year or so of my life) and I could tell it stung him a bit. We referenced certain moments and pictures and I was telling my mom what my favorite pictures of her were, photos that I’d stolen and kept hidden away. I told them my favorite pictures of both of them were taken in a driveway. She started talking about how she wasn’t attractive when she was young (I beg to differ), and then a few of my insecurities slipped out and I immediately regretted it.

I don’t like seeming unsure of myself. I like to pretend I have everything together, that I’m strong and confident and independent, which I am a good amount of the time. But there are demons hidden away – doubts and insecurities and things I don’t like about myself on the inside and out. Everyone has them. I just wish I hadn’t said anything because I know my father worries about me. He worries that I lock myself up. I remember I was talking to him on the phone when I was living in Florida and he said something along the lines of, “You can’t live your life alone. You have to share yourself or it’s pointless.” I know he’s right, but I don’t know how.

Anyway, the night ended when my mother started crying because we’re all grown now. I tried to comfort her and told her I’m almost twenty-three and I still live in the basement, I wasn’t going anywhere. My dad said, “That may be true.” I think he’s given up. When he was my age he had a career and was about to have his second child.

I don’t want his first child to be a failure.

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