Archive for the ‘Heartbreak’ Category

In the time it took for me to get used to
You being around
You were already changing your mind
Just when I was allowing myself
To trust you
You told me you were leaving
You filled my head with somedays
And plans of starting a farm
When the time is right for you
But you never asked me
You never asked me
Where I stood
And you would never meet my eyes
You would just touch me
And pull my hair
And breathe I love you’s into my neck
And I fell for it every fucking time
Because when I say those words
I mean them
When I say those words
They are solid and they are true and they are real
But you were caught up in a moment
With having a body to hold and a voice
To tell you that you were adored
I was there to fill the bored and empty minutes
That you lived in until you went
Looking for something better
And you never asked me
Where I stood
Because you knew that I was always in arms reach
You never even looked up to see
That every time your hands were
Sliding underneath my shirt
I was trying not to scream

Copyright © Shonna Rae Bell 2017


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We’re tangled together in the bed that is temporarily mine. Your eyes are closed, my fingers are dancing through your hair in uneven lines. Our noses brush together every so often, making sure the other is still there. I can’t stop looking at your perfect and peaceful face, trying to memorize the way you look this close up. Then your brows furrow slightly, and suddenly your eyes are looking directly into mine for only a moment. You lean in closer, nuzzling your head into my chest.

“Stop staring at me, freak.”

I smile, plant a kiss on your forehead and feel your arms tighten around me. Then your mouth is on mine, your hand travels from my waist to my head and you’re pulling my hair hungrily. I can’t get close enough to you. Minutes feel like seconds and I want everything to slow down except for us.

Our mouths part. Your eyes are smiling even though they’re closed. I kiss your cheek and you bury your face into my neck, take one long inhale, and hold it in.

“I’m done. It’s over. I’m just gonna die right here.”

I land machine gun kisses all down your face. “Don’t do it,” I whisper. The air is still sitting in your lungs when my lips find yours and slide against them slowly.

A long, drawn out exhale. Then stillness.

“Saved ya,” I whisper with my lips pressed against the top of your head.
“She brought me back,” you mumble into my neck.

Our time is running out. The end is coming for us and we both know it. Yet, here we are, limbs wrapped around each other. Rapid breaths and shy smiles. My mouth on your neck and my eyes afraid to close, afraid to miss a single moment with you.

When the man you love is leaving, love him anyway. Steal every single second with him that you can. Be present and be with him and absorb what it feels like into your soul. Nothing else matters – nothing before and nothing after. Life is only a series of moments strung together with either anticipation or worry and it can all be over in an instant. So if you love him, love him. And if he’s leaving, let him. Either way, you win. You had him, you held him, you kissed him, you enjoyed him, and nothing that happens later can take that away.

If I’m being honest, we could have both died in that moment and I wouldn’t have a single thing to complain about.

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